"The Dice Are Trying to Kill Me"

I'm learning that there is a lot of superstition involved in tabletop games. Some players have ritualistic behaviors they use to ensure good dice rolls. I'm not sure if it actually works or not, but I need to figure something out. Most of my die rolls are pretty bad.

Fortunately, the internet is full of good dice rituals that just might help.

There is a shirt on Think Geek that sums it up pretty well: "the dice are trying to kill me." I've been playing games for years now, and it seems like in critical moments, I will always roll low. Doesn't matter what game it is, whatever I need to happen will most likely not, simply because the dice will not let me. So what's the problem?

I've found a few things that seem to "work," for instance bouncing my dice off of a wall of some kind. There was a game in which I was throwing my dice across the room, letting them bounce off the cabinets and under the stove, and I seemed to always roll high that way.  Perhaps my dice are not just sadistic, but masochistic?

I also found that when performing "tumble" or "diplomacy" checks in D&D, I would almost always rolls in critical range. So when making attacks, I would whisper to my dice "I'm tumbling," and that seemed to work really well.

But I still haven't found a solution that works consistently. So I've decided to look up some dice superstitions to see if I can find anything that will help.

• Never let someone else use (or even touch) your dice.
• Give your dice names; it shows respect.
• Warm the dice in your hand to ensure they roll "hot."
• Train your dice by ensuring that it rests on a high number when not in use.
• Thank your dice when they roll well. Chastise them when they roll low.
• Only roll on the table - or - only roll on a book or piece of paper.
• Give your dice pep talks (or one person suggested talking dirty to them)
• Roll with the opposite hand from the one you use naturally.
• Blow on your dice before rolling.
• Never roll your dice unless you mean it, or else you will waste your critical hits.
• Tell the dice what number you wish it to roll.
• Dice that fall off the table are cursed for the rest of the session.
• d6s must have "eyes," not numbers.
• Use a color die that reflects your current mood or an emotion that fits the action you are performing in game.
• Instead of buying sets, buy individual dice. Make sure they are comfortable with you before you take them home.
• Punish dice that roll poorly (example: put them in "time out"). Make sure the other dice can "see" it, that it may be an example to the others.

 Next week, I might have to put some of these to use.

In case any one is curious, I currently use two sets of Chessex dice. I bought the second set in hopes that it would give me better luck than my first, and it so far has not. I currently use the first set for my left-handed weapon while dual wielding, while my second set handles all other affairs.