Where there is motion gaming, there is useless peripherals.

Playing Wii Sports Tennis feels more realistic with a tennis racket attachment? Have you perhaps tried playing real tennis? The market is flooded with these add-ons for Wiimotes and now the Playstation Move. But Microsoft's Kinect is safe from these useless peripherals, right...?



The Wii ushered in a new era of useless peripherals. Not satisfied with the Wiimote being whatever the game needed it to be by using their imagination, people decided that it needed attachments to make it more... "realistic," I guess? Tennis rackets, golf clubs, baseball bats, swords, anything and everything... You can actually get an attachment that turns your Wiimote into "jet ski handle bars" for Wii Sports Resort. And all I really wanted was a 16 lb bowling ball attachment for Wii Sports Bowling.

We all know this joke. Moving on...

With the Playstation Move, the same thing is happening. Sony's marketing campaign featured people holding the Move controller with lazer-frames coming out of the controller taking the shape of stuff like swords, paddles, and even a bow. Maybe people thought that this was a form of false advertising, because the Move also has a load of peripherals to make it "more like holding a sword" or whatever.

The lie

The reality

Well, obviously Microsoft's Kinect will be free of these things, right? After all, it is the only device that doesn't require a controller or peripherals, right? If you wanted to feel like you were holding a tennis racket, you could just hold a real tennis racket (be sure to keep distance between you and your friends while playing!) Clearly, making stuff for the Kinect would be tricky, but Atomic Accessories came up with a solution. Behold, the Game Boat!

I really wish this was photoshopped.

This is the description straight from the web site:

"Game Boat™ is de facto the first accessory for the peripheral which doesn't need any. The first product in the Play On™ line-up brings the entertainment of Kinect Adventures™ game out of the tv set, directly in your living room! Game it Real™ ! With this real-size replica of Kinect Adventures™'s awesome dinghy."

This is what it is: an inflatable boat that is "ideal for Kinect Adventures." See, there is a mini game in which you travel down a river in an inflatable raft, so why not actually play the game while standing in an inflatable raft? And the best part is, it doubles as a real inflatable raft that you can take out in the pool... or something.

There really isn't much I can say about this Kotaku hasn't already. They were actually sent a review copy of this thing. Someone apparently thought this was such a good idea, that they sent out review copies.

I think the scariest part of the whole thing is that "Play On" is considered a new "line-up" meant for the Kinect. This means that Atomic Accessories intends to make even more of this crap.

But this really begs the question: Who makes this stuff, and why is there even a market for it? I'm not sure how any of this adds to gaming... Ok, there is a lot to be said for the gun attachments (holding the Wiimote like a gun is kind of awkward without a proper grip). But a tennis racket? Maybe if you wanted to hit your little brother with it when he beats you in a round of tennis. Could make you feel more like John McEnroe or Andy Roddick.

But I guess if things continue the way they are, kids can beat up hookers in GTA with a baseball bat attachment. Won't that be sweet.